My Wife, The Caddy

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

“Yes?” replied the teacher.

“Is it okay if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

Teeing Off With A Mercedes Benz

On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes Benz into a gas station in a remote part of the island.

The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Newfoundland manner, completely unaware of who the golf pro is.

“Mornin’ bye” says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.

As he does so, two tees fall out out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

“What are dey den, son?” asks the attendant.

“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.

“Well, what on de good earth are dey for?” inquires the Newfie.

“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving” says Tiger.

“Freeckin Jaysus” says the Newfie, “Dem boys at Mercedes tink of everything”.

A Round Of Golf On Christmas Morning

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf when one one of them commented on how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed – and without an argument, go directly to the golf course to meet his buddies for 18 holes. All three of his friends unanimously agree, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning!”

A few weeks later it’s Christmas morning – and there all are standing next to each other on the first tee box. One friend exclaims “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I had to buy my wife such a huge diamond ring, she can’t even take her eyes off it.” Another friend says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.” The third friend replies “Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car… reading the manual.” Silence from the fourth guy…

The other three friends in the group look puzzled, while the final guy in the foursome is staring at them like they must have lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such and expense for a round of golf. I just woke up, slapped her on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! Golf or sex, what’s it gonna be?” and she said “Take a sweater.”

Honey, I Found Your Golf Ball

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it– stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt.” “That’s when I made my big mistake.” “What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I lifted the cow’s tail again and yelled to my wife, “Hey, this looks like yours!” “I don’t remember much after that!”

A Tough Golf Shot

Bill was playing golf one afternoon with his wife, Emma, and hit a nasty slice off the second tee – landing in an impossible lie in front of the greenkeeper’s shed. Being helpful, his wife suggested “No need to take a penalty shot darling, just open both the front and back doors and push the tractor out. Then, you’ll can hit hit it straight through the shed with a 3 iron.”

“Brilliant idea darling!” and with that, Bill took a mighty whack at the ball, which struck the rear of the building – bouncing off and hitting his wife in the head, killing her stone dead.

A few years later, Bill was plahing the same hole with his new wife… and by sheer coincidence landed at the exact same place in front of the shed.

“No need to take a penalty shot,” said his new wife, “we can push the tractor out and open both sets of doors. You can hit straight through the shed!”

“No way,” he said. “Last time I tried that I ended up with a triple bogey!”

Moses and Jesus Playing Golf

It was a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon while Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf. On the first tee-box, Moses pulls out his driver and blisters a shot up the right side of the fairway, rolling fast towards a water hazard. Moses quickly raised his club, parting the water while his ball rolls through to the other side safely.

Next up on the tee, Jesus hits a really long drive right towards the very same water hazard. His ball came to rest dead center of the pond, hovering just over the surface of the water. Jesus casually walks out onto the pond, and chips it up onto the green within a couple feet of the flag-stick.

Not impressed, the third guy steps up to the tee without taking any time and just randogreenkeeper’s shed, back out onto the fairway and towards the same pond that Moses and Jesus hit. Before it gets wet, the ball ricochets off a small rock and bounces onto a lily pad on over the water when a bullfrog jumped up and ate the ball. Right at that moment, a bald eagle swoops down and grabs the frog, flying away. As it flew over the green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the ball right next to the flag-stick, taking one bounce and landing in the cup for an astounding hole in one.

mly whacks at the ball. Rightfully so, the ball is hit with a nasty hook that clears the left OB markers and goes over a fence into oncoming traffic. It bounces off a truck’s windshield hitting a nearby tree, bounces onto the roof of the

In disgust, Moses then turns to Jesus and says, “I hate playing with your Dad.”

Tiger Woods Accident Photo

One of our faithful readers sent us this photo, claims to have snagged in the next day after Tiger Woods got into his car accident. Obviously, we don’t lay claim to the authenticity or anything – but it looks pretty real to us.

On that note, I got into my car this morning and got a few blocks down the road… only to realize… wow! I just out drove Tiger Woods! Ok, that was kinda lame, feel free to add your own (family friendly)

Little Johnny: Contagious In A Sentence

At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…

Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”

“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Samantha?” She answers, “My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious.”

“Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative,” the teacher praises. “Okay, one more volunteer.” Little Johnny raises his hand. “Yes, Johnny?”

“Well,” he says, “I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, ‘Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?’ and he says, ‘I don’t know son, but it’s gonna take that contagious.'”

*editor’s note: for those that don’t get it… sound it out in two syllables.

Johnny Has A Sweet Tooth

One fine afternoon a gentleman was walking down the street; and as he came around the corner he spotted a young boy sitting in front of the local candy shop. As he approached, he realized it was his neighbor’s kid – Little Johnny.

The boy was shoving sweet tarts and chocolate bars down his throat as fast as possible, so much that it prompted the man to offer some advice: “You know, Johnny, it’s not healthy to eat all that candy.”

Little Johnny looks up at him and quickly retorts “You know, my grampa lived to be 96 years old.”

“Oh,” the man replied, “did he eat lots of candy?”

“Nope,” retorted Little Johnny, “he minded his own damn business!”

Getting Bank of America By The Balls

A little old lady walks into Bank of America and asks to open a savings account. The new accounts receptionist first thinks this is strange, probably because everyone is leaving them for credit unions now. At any rate, the accounts person asks her how much she wanted to deposit to open the account, and the little old lady replies, “Three million dollars.” The accounts person is startled, and says, “In what form?” and the little old lady says, “Cash. I’ve got it right here in this bag…”

The accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. In light of this highly unusual event, the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank involved. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, “Gambling.”

“Gambling?”, he says. “What sort of gambling?”

“Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I’ve got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I’ll even give you 10:1 odds. You got $10,000 you’d be willing to wager on that?” The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn’t get to be the president of Bank of America without knowing a thing or two about money. “I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that wager, but I wouldn’t feel right taking it from you… there’s just no way you could win that bet!” The little old lady just shook the bag and said, “I know what I’m doing… and I can afford to lose! Is it a bet?”

“OK, have it your way”, said the president, and they shook hands on it.” See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning”, said the little old lady, and with that she left.

Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president’s office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He’d gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal. When the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won. “Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?” said the president. “He’s my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?”

“No, perfectly understandable”, said the president. “Well, it’s now noon, and I’m still unchanged, so I guess I win!” he said happily.

“Not so fast!” said the little old lady. “For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please, drop your pants!”

The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he’d want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question. “OK, you win, here’s your $100,000,” says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.

“What’s wrong with him?” asks the bank president.

“Oh, he’s just upset… sore loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of Bank of America by the balls by noon today!”

Those Dirty Pirates

A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour. ”There’s the plank for trouble makers, there’s the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there’s the barrel for all you sexual needs.”

”Whatcha mean? my sexual needs?”

”Well, you stick your willy in the hole and you’ll be serviced, anytime you want, except for Wednesdays.”

”What happens on Wednesdays?”

”It’s your turn in the barrel…”

Dear Employees

So I’m at work yesterday and the mail-clerk starts handing out letters from upper management. At this point, I’m thinking “Oh crap, how am I gonna tell my family I got laid off?” Fortunately, I’m only 29 years old. You’ll understand when you read the letter.

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programmed (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Depend ants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can get.

Great, as if I didn’t get enough shit already….

11 Crappy One-Liners Sure To Leave You A Loser

Do you have a fear of standing alone at your company party with nobody to talk to and no way to break the ice? Have no fear, F&J is here! Here’s a quick and dirty arsenal of one-liner jokes that are sure to make you the life of the party. Rest assured that nobody will still be talking to you when you’re done spouting these beauties off.


Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they live by the bay, they would be bagels!

Which country has the squarest sheep? Cuba.

Regardless of what the Borg said, resistance is NOT futile, it’s just voltage divided by current!

What makes the scarecrow so good at his job? He’s outstanding in his field!

Hey, have you seen that crazy one-legged midget that hangs around outside of Wal-Mart and hides from ugly people? Oh, of course you haven’t.

Why does a chicken coop has two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!

What do Jewish women get when they go to the gynecologist? A pap sch
mear!

So I walked in on my dad chopping Onions one day… and it made me cry. Onions was my favorite cat.

To whom do agnostics pray? To whom it may concern.

what did the zero say to the eight? Hey man, nice belt!

What do you get when you mix Viagra with Chuck E. Cheese? Kicked out.

Do you know any other classless one-liner jokes? Maybe something your dad said, or your something “friend” used to try and impress some chick before she rolled her eyes and bad mouthed him to all her friends even though he was just trying to be friendly and nice and she was being a total bit… nevermind. Post ’em up, folks!

I Just Want You To Hold Me…

I haven’t quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never really figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t fee like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said “WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT?”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

BELLBOY

There was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. He went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The priest gave him the job.

One Sunday, the boy ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed, so he fell off the tower and died.

"Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? I don't know him, but his face rings a bell." 

Visit my website for more jokes.  (www.bellboy.home.blog)

God Will Save Me!

Somewhere in the Southeastern United States, probably Louisiana or Arkansas (you know, the bible belt), a huge hurricane came through and threatened to take out an entire town. At the local church, people were praying.

funny pastor joke Their pastor, a fervent young man, asked for people to remain calm and wait for God’s help. Mid-prayer, the flood waters began to rise up the the floor of the chapel. People began panicking and running out of the building. The pastor urged people to seek shelter, and when friends asked him to leave, he said “No. I’m going to stay with the church. I believe God will save me.”

As flood waters continued to rise, his friends gave up and left him at the church.Eventually the pastor had to climb out the top floor’s window and make his way to the roof. While standing there, a rescue boat came for him. They tried to persuade him to get on, but all he would say is “No. I’m going to stay with the church. I believe God will save me.”

A short while later, the water had swelled past the height of the roof. The pastor had to climb to the very top of the church and hang onto the bell tower. While hanging there, a rescue helicopter came looking for him. He shouted up the the helicopter “stop trying to rescue me! God will save me!”

The helicopter left, the water kept rising, and eventually the pastor drowned. He soon found himself standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. With sad eyes, the pastor asked St. Peter “why didn’t God save me?”

St. Peter, flabbergasted, replied “we sent your friends, a boat, and a helicopter! What else could we have done?”

If you want to read more jokes, follow me on my website www.bellboy.home.blog.

Getting Married in Heaven

A young couple was on their way to get married when they were involved in a fatal car accident. It was really bad, like something from a Quentin Tarantino movie.

St. Peter at the Pearly Gates of Heaven Joke
At any rate, they soon found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates of heaven staring at St. Peter himself. Upset, but wanting to make the best of a bad situation, the woman asks St. Peter if the can get married in Heaven, since they couldn’t before they died.

“Wow,” he said, “that’s the first time in all of eternity anyone has ever asked me that. I’ll go check!”

So, for what seemed like an eternity, St. Peter was gone. Innumerable amounts of people were backing up the line at the gates of heaven. He was gone for so long, the young couple began having doubts as to whether they really wanted to be with each other for all of eternity.

Just when they were about to give up hope, St. Peter finally returned. “Good news! Looks like we can make this happen!” he said with an exhausted smile.

“Great!” replied the young man, “but before we go through with it, we were wondering… what if it doesn’t work out? Can we get a divorce in heaven?”

“Jesus Christ!” gasped St. Peter. “It took me four months to find a priest up here, do you have any idea how long it would take to find a lawyer?”bellboy.home.blog

Goldfish

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Johnny?”


“My goldfish died,” replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your frigging cat.”

Funny Jokes

Without the fun, humor and laughter that jokes bring, the world will be all frowns. Funny jokes are created to reflect life in unusual, hilarious and entertaining ways. A good laugh is as infectious as funny jokes are impacting to life. In adding humor to life's experiences, funny jokes make the world worth smiling. The laughter that funny jokes bring makes people feel like a kid again and cope with difficult situations by looking at the lighter side of any circumstance in life. Funny jokes bring simple pleasures in life as they present a classic way of keeping people entertained.

One thing that is great about funny jokes is that it gives people a great way to channeling life's negativity and turning it into something that is constructive. It uses your pain as the basis of humor, your cynics as your wits, and it uses puns for its punch lines. Funny jokes provide you with a constructive use of your lies, untruths and frustrations. It brings a sense of release that prevents all the negativity from getting hold up inside you. In many ways, funny jokes make life more bearable and worth smiling about.

There's no better way to pass idle time, coffee break, recess or time outs than by sharing funny jokes. One way of bonding with your peers, co-workers and family is through funny conversations. Whatever is a conversation without funny jokes? Adding funny elements in conversations is one effective treat in keeping people engaged in a conversation. It works like caffeine. It stimulates everybody's senses. It makes us think. It pushes us to best one another with a better joke.

The act of creating a funny joke is fail-safe. You can do no wrong in attempting to create or narrate a story with the intension of making people laugh. The general response for jokes would be laughter if not a slight twitch of smile on the face of onlookers or listeners. If a joke did not get any response, the joke is called flat. But even flat jokes make people laugh as much as funny jokes do. You see, no one can do wrong in making his own versions of jokes. It even does not have rules or methods to follow. Just follow your thoughts, stay with it, make fun with it and narrate it. Surely, your thoughts will work out a funny joke.

We have seen enough movies to see that funny guys get the pretty ladies and funny men end up lucky. Even funny cartoon characters are given happy endings. We have seen enough reality show to say that the key to being famous is by being featured in a funny video. Being funny is the key to getting a head in life people! Now there's a simple funny joke.

Creating and delivering a funny joke is an innate ability that humans have, although some chose not to explore those innate skills. A good joke can simply be created by just telling an honest story about your life. As the cliché goes, "be yourself". Don't be afraid to make fun of yourself once in a while. Life was not created to get people uptight. Just lay back and let your thoughts flow. Engage some friends in a simple conversation and start talking. You'll be surprised; the jokes will just roll out of your mouth.

If you truly want to have some fun and laughter, go to his kid-friendly website - http://bellboy.home.blog A top line resource on clean

Pleasing A Women

A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that’s right – women can browse men from floors of choices.

Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes… a nifty setup – with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?

So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

Need A Bad Day to Get Into Heaven

It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from.”

St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. “Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. “OK, picture this; I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….”

Sunday School Lesson

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe?” When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But, Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ass!”

… the teacher fainted!

Jokes Are the Best Medicine

People say that "laughter is the best medicine" and that jokes and humor play a vital role in curing different type of diseases through laughter therapy. Laughing is said to boost immunity and relieve you from physiological stress and body tension. Thus, it's fair to say, reading funny jokes can lead to a peaceful mind and a healthy heart.

Cracking jokes in some stress situations at workplace relieves one from mental pressure and work load. Using a good sense of humor makes one energetic, sharpens focus and cognitive abilities. and a good laughter really strengthens the bond between people. Your funny jokes and a sense of humor can diffuse any negative or tense situations, like fighting or quarreling, with your spouse or any arguments with your friends. Telling jokes is not having a good laugh only. Teasing and laughter also reveals a lot about your personality, your way of doing things.

Funny jokes and humor are such wonderful things, that they have become an integral part of our lives. Funny jokes behave as a key to bring smile in everyone's face and creating a jolly ambiance. Jokes have an amusing power! To make laughs and more laughs! , which reflects a sense of jolliness, happiness and enjoyment. So if Joke, have an ability to relax the whole atmosphere as such, then why is the entire world not telling more funny jokes at every opportunity.

Telling jokes or creating humor is really difficult to pull off. It is not that easy to make people laugh, as our sense of humor varies from person to person. But there are people who are naturally talented in telling jokes. Funny jokes, funny videos and great comedians depend on one thing i.e. the sense of humor of listener. Therefore, while cracking jokes, clean or dirty one must remember that everyone will not share the same sense of humor. It can make one person burst into laughter while another person to anger. Funny clean jokes are as funny as dirty jokes. But depending on joke material, people can easily be offended or embarrassed. That is why it is important to check the joke material according to the audience first. Jokes on racism, disabled people and mentally retarded people should always be strictly avoided. People cracking jokes on those kinds of people are really cruel and insensitive having no sense of humanity.

Jokes are funnier when actions or gestures are applied. Remember gesture sounds more than words. Generally, people believe that irony and sarcasm are main elements of humor. So, if one doesn't have a sarcastic sense of humor, then he shouldn't try to crack jokes. Actually the rule holds good for all kinds of jokes, if one don't find a joke interesting or funny, then shouldn't bother telling it either. The truth is that a joke seems funny, if the audience can understand it.

So, go ahead crack your best jokes, chances are that not only will you releaves stress at home and work, you'll also be the life of the party.

Jokes That Hurt

A joke is anything that has humorous intentions. In this way jokes are humor. Jokes are a great and powerful tool that can be used to make people laugh and feel great about themselves. They are great when heard at large comedy clubs from famous comedians or when sitting at the dinner table with your family. But like most things that can be used for good, jokes have a dark side. Although most of the jokes we tell and hear on a regular basis are said with good intentions, certain kinds of jokes can inspire prejudice and hate. These are primarily those jokes that target a certain group in a negative way; these jokes include blonde jokes, sexist jokes, gay jokes, black jokes, and really any joke that targets a certain race of people. These sorts of jokes are rampant in modern-day society and are harmful to the groups they are about.

Almost every living person has partaken in the ritual of telling jokes that are prejudice to some group, whether it be enjoying them 'innocently' or sharing them with others. One of the greatest problems with these sorts of jokes is that people do not realize that they are causing detriment to the group that is included in the joke. They seem to be playful and fun, but if you really examine what is behind these jokes they lose their appeal. If any of these prejudice jokes were reversed and told about the opposite group, would they be funny at all? For example "What do you do if your dishwasher stops working? You hit her." Some people find this funny because they have sexist beliefs about women that are fueled by this kind of joke. If you replace "her" in the punch line with "he," the joke loses all of its appeal. So even though they seem harmless, they are fueled by and in turn fuel prejudice beliefs.

A study performed in 2007 on 73 male undergraduate students showed that the use and propagation of sexist humor can actually promote sexist behavior. In this case humor is used as a weapon rather than to incite joy. Moreover, the study found that by using humor, something fun and socially agreeable, sexism itself became more tolerable and socially agreeable. The results of this study are almost shocking because we usually think of jokes as having no control over society at all, we see them as just entertainment. But just like everything we hear and see, they can have a very large and negative effect on how we treat an entire group of people.

It is evident that jokes and humor must be treated like all things and should be used for good, and prejudice/hate should not be acceptable; even in joke form. These jokes have become such a large part of our way of thinking and our entertainment that they are here to stay for now. But we can still combat the feelings and effects created by the history behind these jokes to take away their power.

A Good Joke Can Lighten the Mood

A joke is a way of getting people to laugh. It is a great opener for a speech or in a social gathering to break the ice. Laughter is the best medicine and very often telling someone who is sick a funny joke gets them laughing and for a minute or two they forget about their illness. Children love jokes, especially Knock, Knock jokes and once they find one they like, they tell it all the time.

There are many kinds of jokes and you have to know when it is appropriate to tell one of the ones in your repertoire. There are some instances when a dirty joke is appropriate and others when it is not. At a party, it is quite common to hear someone tell a dirty joke, but you have to know the people who are there. Telling this kind of joke in the company of strangers is not very good etiquette because it may actually be insulting to them and not funny at all.

Jokes are supposed to be funny and make people laugh. There are all kinds of jokes, such as riddles, poems, stories, pictures all with the same result laughter. When a person tells a funny story, this often spurs a memory in someone else and pretty soon, you have a whole room of people telling jokes. April Fools Day is the time of practical jokes getting someone to look at something or getting them to so something. The intention here is to try to make the other person feel foolish for having been gullible enough to fall for the practical joke.

When it comes to ethnicity, there are many racist jokes that are not funny at all. While the intention of the story is to have a laugh, the actual fact is that these jokes poke fun at a group of people with the intention of making them look stupid. A blonde joke is the same these are usually geared toward women with blonde hair and portray the image that women with blonde hair are not as intelligent as others. A yo mama joke is very insulting to ones mother and people get highly insulted if someone tells them this kind of story hoping for a laugh.

This kind of fun seems to come in stages depending on the economy and what is happening in the news. At one time a nigger joke or an Irish joke was very common, but today it is quite common to hear a Michael Jackson joke that puts down this famous singer and makes light of his problems. Depending on where you live you might find it quite common to hear a Redneck joke or one related to a specific area. When immigrants come to a new country and start to look for work, they often become the butt of the racism of the new city because people do not understand their culture. Making fun of people from another country who are trying to start a new life for themselves actually shows out the ignorance of those telling the stories.

There are many very funny clean jokes and this is the type that people always try to tell at weddings or places where there are people from all generations and religious persuasions. An Easter joke or a Christmas joke usually deals with the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus or gifts. There is nothing wrong with telling a funny story and having a laugh as long as it doesn't degrade a person or group of people. A funny picture joke works the sane way. There are many funny pictures that are not degrading to anyone and sometimes the pictures you see are so hilarious that you cant help laughing at them no matter what.

Just about all magazines carry a section of funny stories that have been submitted by readers. These are usually clean jokes and are in good taste. You can buy books that are full of funny jokes and stories, dirty jokes and racist jokes on the shelves of most major booksellers. The Internet is also a popular place to find dirty and clean jokes, funny picture jokes of all kinds, fat jokes, steroid jokes. This is a way to get a free joke that you often send to your friends as an attachment in an email message.

When you are using messages and stories to try to brighten someones day, you do have to keep in mind the subject of the story and the person to whom you are telling or sending it. Every individual is unique and it is better to err on the side of caution by telling a clean joke than to insult a person or a whole group of people. Many politicians have gone down to defeat by not being discreet enough when they include a funny story in their speeches.

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